025 – Accepting the simplicity of my desires and healing from discipline trauma of not having been accepting that

It is a Sunday of mid December and life feels sweet. Almost as it never did before, even if it did. I feel integrated and whole, warmhearted from the vivid connections with others. I have an inner smile of joy. Few hours ago I made love and napped with Chen. It was wholesome and now my eyes and my groins are releasing a slowly burning pleasure.

Chen and I have been talking about diligence. After we both took personality tests, it emerged that she behaves much more diligently than me. Curious, I asked. Her answer was an inspiring one that is worth noting down. She said that discipline … (it took me a long of procrastinating before coming back to this) … is important when we want to guide the experience that other people have of something we create. In this respect, diligence goes hand in had with responsibility. By the way, it is interesting to notice that I keep swapping diligence with discipline. I know why and will explain it later.

Before, let me talk about my response to Chen. I agreed with here that diligence emerges quite spontaneously for me as well when it comes down to affecting the experience of others. For example during my work Twitter, I am conscious that my code changes may affect millions of people and therefore I diligently check as much as I can that those changes have the desired ones and no side effects. Or when I hosted an interintellect salon last night, I was quite diligent in preparing it to ensure other people would have a positive experience.

However, I replied, when it comes down to being diligent for my own sake, I much less prone to indulge in it. On the contrary, I feel like being spontaneous, even messy and let things evolve. Chen’s reply was interesting. She mentioned that often when she chooses what to do, she considers the long-term benefits of that decision. She is being diligent and responsible towards her future self.

Why I don’t feel like that doing that in this period? I think it is because I am a little traumatised by having being diligent and disciplined (explaining the previous words swap) towards things that didn’t bring me that much long term benefit, especially long-term happiness. What am I referring to? I am referring to the fact that for many years I have been quite stringent with myself in terms of what I was allowing myself to and how I was allowed to spend money. I was quite minimal and a little forceful. I would design habit and routines and then regularly enforce them.

The reason this didn’t bring me that much long-term happiness and benefits, is that the underlying reason that (I assume) I was doing for was to prove to myself and others that I was worthy and mighty. For several reasons, that are still somewhat obscure to me, I wasn’t really loving myself that much. I was attaching my self-worth to the results I was reaching, to the respect others were giving to me and to my status.

Honestly, I think I picked this up from the people around me. Sadly, I think wasn’t and exception in attaching my self-worth to result and status. I think that’s a pretty common default believe in the modern society. I don’t blame myself for having done so, even if I suffered extensively from it. It’s history.

Going back to our main topic, I feel now I have a substantial amount of resistance and trauma towards diligence and discipline. But I am also starting to realise that they they can be very helpful in expressing and experiencing one’s love for oneself, others and practices. Diligently persevering can allow us to unlock certain feelings in others or enable us to experience certain slices of reality at a much greater depth.

I know it is going to take some time, and that I can take my time (Chen and I said the same on this) but I feel like at some point would be nice to integrate some elements of diligence and discipline together with the things I love. The fact that it is going to take time, itself demonstrates diligence. Because I don’t want to apply diligence and discipline to things that I aren’t the ones I love. I want the love to be driver of the diligence, and not the other way around.

I still have this voice that keeps nagging me through entire days of rest. That keeps telling me to work harder. That keeps telling me to do useful shit and to be productive. It keeps telling me that only doing that is worth. That otherwise I am sloth, I am worthless and useless. But there’s diligence in my resistance to that voice. There is discipline in my protection of myself. I know that when that voice stops, the trauma will be over. I still have some more work to do, but things are looking better.

Is there anything specific I can do more of to stop that voice? To heal the trauma? To feel both free and dedicated?

Here is one suggestion by Michael Ashcroft: “I have come to learn that it is entirely possible to 100% switch off the monkey mind. Not just ‘notice and not identify with it’, but actively get it to shut up. This can be done by choosing, repeatedly, to pay attention to the present moment — all of it, in its entirety.”

Another idea on how to do it. Apply discipline and diligence not out of mental conclusions but out of feelings and love. Accept the simplicity of your desires.

The rational monkey mind is not that skilled in commenting on our desires, motions and loves. It tries to analyse them and rationalise them but it is often just a trap that doesn’t lead much further. Our desires, motions and loves are simple. Yet we struggle so much to accept me. Yes, our strategies, plans and actions can be sophisticated and advanced. But they are merely executors of simple desires, which we struggle so much to accept.

For years, I have been applying discipline for cooked-up and complicated mental desires that were only the masquerade of simple desires that I didn’t want to accept and resolve directly. I am now a little burned out by that experience in using discipline and diligence for any other practice.

But if you look closer you will see that I am actually using them in order to accept my simple desires, to heal from this trauma, to get to unconditional self-acceptance and to cherish, cultivate and nourish the simple desires that emerges from that.

8,684 thoughts on “025 – Accepting the simplicity of my desires and healing from discipline trauma of not having been accepting that

  1. Daren Meiste

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this site. I really hope to check out the same high-grade content from you later on as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own, personal website now 😉

  2. The Magnes Zionist

    Substantially, the post is really the best on this laudable topic. I concur with your conclusions and will eagerly watch forward to your future updates.Just saying thanx will not just be enough, for the wonderful lucidity in your writing.

  3. UFAAUTO

    This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks!

  4. visita nuestra pagina web

    I would really like to appreciate the endeavors you cash in on written this article. I’m going for the similar best product from you finding out in the foreseeable future as well. Actually your creative writing abilities has urged me to begin my very own blog now. Genuinely the blogging is distributing its wings rapidly. Your write down is often a fine illustration showing it.

  5. zoritoler imol

    Hi, i feel that i noticed you visited my site so i got here to “go back the favor”.I’m attempting to find issues to enhance my site!I assume its good enough to use some of your concepts!!

  6. Buy Crack Cocaine Online

    I feel that is among the so much significant info for me. And i am satisfied studying your article. However should commentary on some basic issues, The site style is ideal, the articles is in reality excellent : D. Excellent activity, cheers

  7. Situs Bokep

    Hey very cool site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I’m happy to find so many useful information here in the post, we need develop more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  8. Situs Bokep

    Aw, this was a very nice post. In idea I wish to put in writing like this moreover taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article! I procrastinate alot and by no means seem to get something done.

  9. DMD

    Nevertheless, it’s all carried out with tongues rooted solidly in cheeks, and everybody has got nothing but absolutely love for their friendly neighborhood scapegoat. In reality, he is not merely a pushover. He is simply that extraordinary breed of person solid enough to take all that good natured ribbing for what it really is.

  10. read more

    Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any solutions to protect against hackers?

  11. sepornews

    Very nice post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve truly loved browsing your weblog posts.
    In any case I will be subscribing on your rss feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!

  12. worldwide news

    I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high
    quality articles or blog posts in this kind of
    house . Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this site.
    Studying this info So i’m happy to exhibit that I’ve an incredibly just right uncanny
    feeling I came upon exactly what I needed. I such a lot
    surely will make certain to do not put out of your mind this website and provides it a look regularly.

  13. slot joker gaming sering jackpot

    I do like the way you have presented this specific challenge and it does give me personally some fodder for consideration. On the other hand, through just what I have observed, I simply wish when the actual reviews stack on that men and women stay on point and don’t embark on a soap box regarding some other news of the day. Anyway, thank you for this exceptional point and while I can not concur with the idea in totality, I respect your perspective.

  14. Thomasina Why

    Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you, However I am experiencing difficulties with your RSS. I don’t understand why I cannot subscribe to it. Is there anybody else having identical RSS issues? Anyone that knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanx!!

  15. website specialist

    The post is absolutely great! Lots of great info and inspiration, both of which we all need! Also like to admire the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer! I will bookmark your website!

  16. Zithropak

    The well-known dose is Azithromycin cats 500mg a age for 3 to 10 days depending on the infection being treated. For some infections, you’ll be conceded a one-off higher amount of 1g or 2g. The dose may be shame for the benefit of children or if you arrange liver or kidney problems.

  17. zpackmax

    If your sinus infection lasts for to a week, it’s usually rightful to a virus. Bacterial sinus infections, on the other hand, can persist on some time. They on the whole pattern in the service of 10 days or longer. While viral infections on the whole start to have an impact sick after a few days, z pack antibiotic over counter bacterial infections look after to come worse over time.

  18. llave en mano

    It’s the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

  19. 사설토토

    My brother suggested I might like this web site. He was entirely right. This post actually made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

  20. Bus navetta

    I don’t know if it’s just me or if everybody else experiencing issues with your site. It appears as though some of the written text on your content are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This could be a problem with my web browser because I’ve had this happen before. Appreciate it

  21. Link Alternatif Betwing88

    Hello there, simply changed into aware of your blog through Google, and located that it is really informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will appreciate in the event you continue this in future. Lots of other folks will probably be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

  22. berberine afvallen

    I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before.

  23. mp3juices

    This is valuable stuff.In my opinion, if all website owners and bloggers developed their content they way you have, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  24. Playslot77

    Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

  25. شرط بندی

    Great post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful info specifically the last part 🙂 I care for such info much. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  26. synthroidvbo

    synthroid brand coupon
    Overall, Synthroid is an effective and safe treatment option for hypothyroidism. It is important to follow the dosing instructions and inform the doctor or pharmacist of all medications and supplements being taken. With proper use, Synthroid can help to manage the symptoms of hypothyroidism and improve overall health and wellbeing.

  27. Lelah Noblitt

    After going over a number of the blog posts on your web site, I truly appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I saved it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Please check out my web site as well and tell me how you feel.

  28. how to increase semen volume

    Appreciation for taking the time to discuss this topic, I would love to discover more on this topic. If viable, as you gain expertise, would you object to updating the website with further information? It is tremendously beneficial for me.

  29. can you buy gold with an ira

    Abnormal this put up is totaly unrelated to what I was searching google for, but it surely used to be listed at the first page. I suppose your doing one thing proper if Google likes you adequate to place you at the first page of a non similar search.

  30. Cash sale

    Simply want to say your article is as amazing. The clarity in your post is just great and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the gratifying work.

  31. تنظيف مكيفات خميس مشيط

    Can I just say what a relief to seek out someone who actually knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You positively know find out how to bring a problem to mild and make it important. Extra individuals have to read this and perceive this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more in style because you positively have the gift.

  32. Online surgical tech courses

    Dignity College of Healthcare online surgical technician training is far superior to other online Surgical Technician programs because it includes the training, exam review and national certification exams. Register with Confidence and attend a nationally accredited, but affordable program. In just 4 months, you can complete the surgical technician program from the comfort of your home without a loan on your neck. Enroll now at https://dignitycollegeofhealthcare.com/surgical-technician

  33. big tits sex doll

    I just couldn’t leave your website before suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual information an individual supply on your visitors? Is gonna be back often in order to investigate cross-check new posts

  34. www.visathailande.fr

    I cannot thank you more than enough for the blogposts on your website. I know you set a lot of time and energy into these and truly hope you know how deeply I appreciate it. I hope I’ll do a similar thing person sooner or later.

  35. SEO for WordPress

    We write easy to read books teaching business owners how to build websites and improve their visibility online. A lot of our readers still required additional help, so we decided to offer SEO services in Beverly Hills and the greater Los Angeles area. We have a few best selling books available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Our books have helped thousands of people build websites and improve their digital marketing efforts. We have over 200 positive reviews on all of our books, and now we help our readers on a one-on-one basis. We’ve put together a team to help offer SEO and digital marketing services for WordPress and HTML websites. No project is too big or too small. Contact us now to request a free SEO consultation. https://seocompanylosangeles.us

  36. acting classes for adults

    The Playground is a young actor’s conservatory: a place where actors are immersed in the craft of Television and Film Acting. Young people of all ages look forward to coming here and taking part in our carefully developed curriculum, a curriculum that has been personally designed by Gary Spatz. Gary Spatz, the founder of The Playground, is one of the top child acting coaches in the world and has 25 years of experience working with children in the entertainment industry. Projects include: The Mickey Mouse Club, Suite Life, Roseanne, Everybody Loves Raymond and many more. Gary is sought after to work with young actors for film and television projects. He has worked with many of the most successful young performers in Hollywood from Britney, Christina and Justin to Dylan and Cole! https://theplayground.com

  37. holding escrow services

    Secured Trust Escrow is one of the few companies licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation to handle Holding Escrows. Holding Escrows do not involve the transfer of real estate or a business under the California Bulk Sale Laws. Secured Trust Escrow has been the “go-to” escrow company for attorneys and other professionals needing a third-party escrow holder to hold funds pursuant an agreement made outside of escrow. Secured Trust Escrow has handled many holding escrows, both simple and complex, from a wide range of industries such as entertainment, legal, receivership’s, judiciary, source code, private money, and source code. https://securedtrustescrow.com

  38. fire prevention company

    Our fire watch guards are put through rigorous training to handle any job assigned to them. Our fire watch guards are CPR/AED/First Aid certified. We provide professional fire watch solutions customized to fit each individual client and business. Call now to get started. We’re available 24/7 in all 50 states. We service private clients, small businesses and large corporations. Contact us now to request more information about our fire watch services. https://firewatchguards.com

  39. Fire Watch Guards

    At XPressGuards, we take fire prevention seriously. Hiring a fire watch guard can save your life and the financial loss that results from damaged property. Keep in mind that in case of a massive fire outbreak, a fire extinguisher won’t do any good. While you may be able to restore the damaged property and cover the financial loss, you can’t put a price on life. Our fire watch guards will alert the fire department upon the first sign of something suspicious thus protecting your employees as well as your property. Contact us now for more information. https://xpressguards.com/fire-watch-security-guards/

  40. mortgage loan for seniors

    Are you looking to purchase a new property and need to secure a home loan? Are you thinking about refinancing your property to take cash out or get a better interest rate? Look no further, we’ve got you covered. If you’re looking to renovate your property and/or need repairs, we can take care of that for you as well. We’re your all-in-one real estate concierge. Get everything you need done for your property with Estate Solutions. Contact us for more information now. https://estatesolutions.llc

  41. Child Support Lawyer Santa Monica

    Arsalan Hayatdavoodi at Hayat Family Law has substantial experience in regards to mediation, research, litigation, and collaborative law. When working on a family law case, our objective is to always find a solution through mediation instead of needless litigation. Arsalan Hayatdavoodi remains keen to the fact that he’s dealing with many adults and children during stressful times, and he lives and strives to bring about a tranquil, peaceable resolution. Contact us to learn more. https://hayatfamilylaw.com

  42. Bluestack RDP

    My brother suggested I might like this websiteHe was once totally rightThis post truly made my dayYou can not imagine simply how a lot time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  43. data sgp

    I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. cheers

  44. fildena

    Engaging in regular activities that promote cardiovascular health, such as aerobic exercise, maintaining a healthy weight, and managing cholesterol levels, can positively impact erectile function for men with impotence.

    http://fildena.hair/ buy fildena 50mg pill

  45. 메이저토토 추천

    Howdy I wanted to write a new remark on this page for you to be able to tell you just how much i actually Enjoyed reading this read. I have to run off to work but want to leave ya a simple comment. I saved you So will be returning following work in order to go through more of yer quality posts. Keep up the good work.

  46. Design Academy

    Design Academy е водещо учебно заведение за изучаване на дизайн в България. Тя предлага широк спектър от обучения и курсове, които са подходящи както за начинаещи, така и за напреднали в областта на дизайна. Едно от най-значимите предимства на Design Academy е наличието на безплатни курсове, достъпни за всички студенти. Освен това, при успешно завършване на обучението, студентите получават професионален диплом, който е признат от Министерството на образованието и науката. С изключително квалифицирани преподаватели и актуална програма, Design Academy предоставя отлична възможност за развитие на креативните и техническите умения в областта на дизайна. Благодарение на тази академия, студентите имат възможността да изградят здрави основи и да се подготвят за успешна кариера в сферата на дизайна. https://designacademy.bg

  47. Software Academy

    Software Academy е водещото място за изучаване на софтуерно инженерство в България. Тази академия предлага широка гама от обучения и курсове, които са подходящи за всички, които се интересуват от програмиране и разработка на софтуер. Едно от най-големите предимства на Software Academy е наличието на безплатни курсове, които са достъпни за всички студенти. При успешно завършване на обучението, участниците получават професионален диплом, който е признат от Министерството на образованието и науката. С изкушаваща програма и опитни преподаватели, Software Academy предоставя идеалната възможност да се развивате в сферата на софтуерното инженерство и да подготвите основите за успешна кариера в тази бързо развиваща се индустрия. https://softwareacademy.bg

  48. sildenafil 100mg usa

    Researchers are exploring the impact of chronic hematological conditions, such as sickle cell disease and leukemia, on erectile function. Managing these conditions and addressing associated complications can positively impact sexual outcomes.

    sildenafil 50mg pills buy fildena sildenafil tablet

  49. 파워볼 게임

    Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is truly informative. I am going to watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  50. Commercial locksmith

    I know this is not exactly on topic, but i have a blog using the blogengine platform as well and i’m having issues with my comments displaying. is there a setting i am forgetting? maybe you could help me out? thank you.

  51. Duo Trim

    A neighbor of mine encouraged me to take a look at your blog site couple weeks ago, given that we both love similar stuff and I will need to say I am quite impressed.

  52. Duotrim

    Thanks pertaining to discussing the following superb written content on your site. I ran into it on the search engines. I will check back again if you publish extra aricles.

  53. Wholesale Led Headlights

    I am extremely impressed along with your writing skills as well as with the format on your weblog. Is this a paid subject or did you customize it your self? Anyway stay up the nice high quality writing, it is rare to look a nice weblog like this one nowadays..

  54. led wholesaling trade

    I am extremely impressed along with your writing skills as well as with the format on your weblog. Is this a paid subject or did you customize it your self? Anyway stay up the nice high quality writing, it is rare to look a nice weblog like this one nowadays..

  55. family lawyer los angeles

    Hey very cool site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I’m happy to find so many useful information here in the post, we need develop more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  56. live holdem

    Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thank you

  57. Whats Good For Hair

    Nevertheless, it’s all carried out with tongues rooted solidly in cheeks, and everybody has got nothing but absolutely love for their friendly neighborhood scapegoat. In reality, he is not merely a pushover. He is simply that extraordinary breed of person solid enough to take all that good natured ribbing for what it really is.

  58. liquid-cool nacs charger

    Charger-Man is the first nacs company to release an aftermarket 150kW CCS1 adapter for North American and South Korean and European Tesla vehicles. We carefully designed our product to ensure it fits perfectly your vehicle and without any danger to any of its components.

  59. Japandi Style

    Japandi is a design style that beautifully combines the elegance and simplicity of Japanese aesthetics with the functionality and cozy warmth of Scandinavian design. This harmonious fusion creates a serene and balanced living environment, characterized by clean lines, natural materials, muted color palettes, and a focus on craftsmanship. Japandi embraces minimalism, decluttering, and the use of organic elements to create spaces that evoke a sense of tranquility and well-being. It celebrates the beauty of imperfection and the connection to nature, resulting in a timeless and captivating design philosophy.

  60. catalin opritescu

    Im impressed. I dont think Ive met anyone who knows as much about this subject as you do. Youre truly well informed and very intelligent. You wrote something that people could understand and made the subject intriguing for everyone. Really, great blog youve got here.

  61. Jin Schoenle

    Thanks for such good content here on your page. I really adore it, but I want to tell my story about how I got myself into a lot of trouble and how the creation of some good people saved my life. When I was a student, I spent so much time looking for a job and buying new things for my look, so I totally forgot that I needed to pay off my debt. And one day, some bad people came into my room and gave me a hint that I should pay off my debt in a weekend, I started looking for money and downloaded https://apps.apple.com/us/app/payday-loans-money-advance/id1598597654 for my phone, at first glance I thought it would be just a really bad idea, but after some time I realize that I really adore it. Currently, I can say that that download changed my life because I realized that I can take money without any problems via my phone, and it will be easy to do.

  62. ncesc1.com

    Good post. I study something more difficult on different blogs everyday. It’s going to always be stimulating to learn content material from other writers and observe a little bit one thing from their store. I’d prefer to use some with the content material on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll give you a link in your web blog. Thanks for sharing.

  63. 롤bj

    Hi, I just hopped over to your web-site through StumbleUpon. Not somthing I might typically browse, but I liked your views none the less. Thanks for making something worthy of reading through.

  64. 방송bj배팅

    Your thing regarding creating will be practically nothing in short supply of awesome. This informative article is incredibly useful and contains offered myself a better solution to be able to my own issues. Which can be the specific purpose MY PARTNER AND I has been doing a search online. I am advocating this informative article with a good friend. I know they are going to get the write-up since beneficial as i would. Yet again many thanks.

  65. steve gibbs bc

    I just couldn’t leave your website before suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual information an individual supply on your visitors? Is gonna be back often in order to investigate cross-check new posts

  66. comprar sillas en España

    It’s the best time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

  67. Letselschade

    Hi, I just hopped over to your web-site through StumbleUpon. Not somthing I might typically browse, but I liked your views none the less. Thanks for making something worthy of reading through.

  68. free movie download

    I favored your idea there, I tell you blogs are so helpful sometimes like looking into people’s private life’s and work.At times this world has too much information to grasp. Every new comment wonderful in its own right.

  69. warzone vpn

    Hi, I just hopped over to your web-site through StumbleUpon. Not somthing I might typically browse, but I liked your views none the less. Thanks for making something worthy of reading through.