008 – Two days

Today was Saturday, September 18th, 2021. It is 23:34 and this day is about to end.

This morning I spend almost 5 hours in the morning planning goals and challenges for myself. After that, I slacked a little and went running. After running, I spend 45 minutes or so on TikTok. After that, I went to do some chores and have dinner with my partner. After that, I experimented with configuring our projector and other house organisation stuff. After that, I fiddle around with organising this blog and my Twitter.

I enjoyed planning: it gave me a sense of clarity and direction. But ever since I planned, I started feeling coerced into doing things and I started feeling I wanted to procrastinate and slack. I also felt sore on the right side of my throat for the whole day. I had an ongoing desire to set myself free to do whatever I wanted. It emerged from reading some Tweets talking about this. It relates to my feeling of wanting to procrastinate and slack in the face of my newly emerged goals.

What is going here? I don’t think this is a good question to ask. What is a good question to ask about this day of mine that is about to end? This is a wonderful meta-question. One interesting question is what do I feel and think about everything that I described?

I feel protective of the goals that I crafted. I also feel protective of myself. I like my goals but don’t want to enslave myself to them. I feel eager to do whatever I want freely and without reason or justification. I feel I don’t want to be anchored to whatever I was thinking this morning during my plan. I don’t have to and that does not mean throwing away my plan. I can allow upcoming selves to have their take on my plan and modify it as they like. I trust all my selves will do so wisely and in my best interest.

Curiously, I feel that the “my” in the last sentence may actually refer to my whole self if such a thing is something I can refer to at all.

Today is Sunday, September 19th, 2021. It is 18:50 and some gorgeous moments have filled my day so far.

This morning I went for a nice walk around Glasgow Botanic Gardens. The gardens host a variety of stunning trees from all over the world. I enjoyed starting my day greeting a curiously looking Monkey Puzzle tree from Chile.

Picture by Jorge Leon Cabello / Getty Images

After my walk, I spend some time on one of the challenges I planned for myself yesterday. I found interesting resources and enjoyed the exploration.

After my exploration, I cooked a very tasty Alfredo pasta for me and my partner.

After that, we went to a taster session of Salsa dancing. Gently touching and shaking bodies with strangers warmed up my body and feelings. I learnt that a step in Salsa requires you to move your weight on the other side of your body. If you don’t move the weight that’s not a step but just a tap. I realised how a part of dancing is moving our weight around in harmony with our context. Our weight is our connection to the earth. When we gently move it, we celebrate this relationship. Even if it ended up raining on us, I left smiling.

After that, I had a warm apple and mint tea together with a zucchini and lime cake in a bookshop nearby. Even if my feelings were warm my hair was wet and I needed to dry them. Or maybe I wanted to indulge and enjoy my warm feelings a little more. Also, I wanted to have tea in a bookshop because lately I have been intrigued by @visakanv’s suggestion of reading more biographies.

So at the bookshop, I checked out the biographies section. I didn’t feel much of a connection to any book in the shop, except one.

Chagall is one of the few artists I find relatable. I feel close to his dreamy shyness and delicacy. The mysterious and welcoming world that he portrays encourages me to explore mine. I also relate to his depiction of couply love. The characters in his paintings are as kind as the people in my world.

La Promenade by Marc Chagalle (1917)

I ended up not buying Chagalle’s biography. While I relate to him, he wrote his biography when he was 35 and I was looking for something that would give me a sense of the longer rhythms of humans life.

After that, I went back home and once there I decided to celebrate and express myself a little. I felt free and alive.

I felt strong love towards myself. I felt beautiful and welcoming.

After that, it quickly was 18:50 and I reached back where I started.

Here they are, a Saturday and Sunday of mine. A sun and a moon or a moon and sun. Two days, profoundly different from one another. One verbal, one visual. One reductive, one holistic. One left one right. One me and the other me too.

167 thoughts on “008 – Two days

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