Today I want to explore writing a stream of consciousness and see what comes out.
I like short paragraphs of one sentence only. I think they are easier to read. I think keeping my sentences shorter keeps my thoughts simpler.
My brain seems to easily go into some kind of excitement mode in which it buzzes from one thing to the next. I wonder if my enjoyment of keeping sentences short and thoughts simple relates to this.
This buzz-like experience is particularly prominent when I interact with technology, and even more so when I spend time on social media. I enter these flows of information buzzing and when I exited them I struggle to tie together the information I have been interacting with.
I know that the information is somewhere in my brain and I also know that some of that is valuable information. I also tend to enjoy the buzzing experience to some extent. However, this feeling of being unable to tie together what I have interacted with bother me. It makes me feel as if that period of time was not useful and productive. I feel I cannot hold to any progress I have made during the session.
Have you noticed how every single paragraph was longer than its predecessor? That’s how thoughts get messy. They start simple and then gradually complexify by picking up relevant ideas along the way of their evolution. That may be how everything gets messy. Entropy 101.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about brain-computer interfaces. I find them extremely fascinating. I think they are going to be incredible devices and also, in the process, they are going to teach us so much about human nature and the brain. I feel a desire of fiddling with them.
However, I also feel suspicious about this desire and I don’t like to feel this way. I feel that I am second-guessing my interest. I am anticipating that it may be a wildfire that will subside and therefore I shouldn’t give it much credit. I feel policed by my own self and I do not like it much.
Is there some truth in this policing me? Am I perhaps spotting that my interest in BCIs is not genuine and direct, that I don’t actually want to fiddle with them but rather just feel important and cool by being someone working on something futuristic? Maybe
I just came across a quote from Howard Thurman: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”. I do have a sense that BCIs may make me come alive, but I also think that is something that the world needs. I think that is partially why they make me come alive, but a minor part. Would I feel excited about BCIs even if the world did not need them? Yes, because I feel I would need them to have fun, to learn more about my brain and the brain around me. To be creative with my brain. To connect me further with computers. I feel that’s making me come alive. Still, the suspicion remains.
I also came across this Tweet
And I feel that I kind of want to check out BCIs and fiddle with them.
But this Tweet also makes me reflect on another feeling. The feeling I was talking about earlier is that sometimes I explore things buzzingly and I don’t know how to tie information together at the end. Perhaps I can enjoy when that happens without trying to shoehorn it into a productive endeavour?
I feel the tension of continuously being performant and productive.
Maybe I don’t have to.
I like writing.
I like the artistic nature of the text.
I like how my thoughts and my sentences gradually shrank to a maybe and then came back up.
It feels as if I am playing a music scale. My thoughts are going up and down the scale. They are shrinking and expanding. Each of them is a musical theme of different complexity. It is beautiful.
This is very similar to the buzzing feeling I was describing before. Now my thoughts buzzed here in this post and went in multiple directions. I feel like I cannot really tie together what they just did. This slightly upsets me but less so because it least I have recorded and I can get back to it.
Wow, my brain is buzzing so much during this stream of consciousness. It feels like my finger are trying to keep up with my buzzing thoguhts. Buzz, buzz, buzz. What would a stream of consciousness look like if it was written with a BCI? What would it take for typing to be done via brainwave. How cool would that be. I want to fiddle with it.
But perhaps we are decades or centuries away from typing via brain waves. Perhaps if I fiddled with it now I will only get frustrated. Perhaps upon spending more time on time I would only get to make very minor progress and contributions. Would I be happy about that? Or would I eventually feel like I would need something buzzier?
Perhaps part of my inability to focus and stick with things for a long time is related to this buzziness of my brain. Could it be Tourette syndrome? Maybe, if only we knew what Tourette syndrome actually was, other than it just being a container that doctors use to group things that look similar.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, my brain keeps buzzing. What should I buzz next?
Let’s buzz about my tweeting. I sometimes tweet things out of the blue. They are rather random and probably meaningless for everyone that reads them. Very few engage with those tweets, which tells me that they are meaningless. But they have meaning for me. They represent milestones. They represent souvenirs of my thinking journey. They are beutiful memories that I share with myself, the internet and Twitter servers only. They are beautiful memorabilia that I share with the machines and with no humans. This feels strange. In a way it makes me feel closer to the machines than to the humans. What is happening? Is that intended? How do I make sense of it?
Buzz, buzz, buzz and more buzz. What is my brain buzzing about?
I feel a sensation of buzzing right at the centre of my forehead, approximate around what the chakra-people call the third eye. Buzz, buzz, buzzing the third eye. My other two eyes, the real ones, are tired. Staring at screens makes eyes tired and brains buzzier. This could make for a good tweet. Would people engage with it? Would they ignore it? I don’t know. On the surface, it seems interesting. How can I write something interesting? How do I get to know what my audience likes? Perhaps I just need to observe. Let’s try tweeting it and see what happens. Here it is
Social media is as cryptic as social interactions for me, if not more. How do I know what others think about what I am expressing? Perhaps they think nothing about it. It just doesn’t register. Do I care? Briefly, for a few moments, I would be interested to know. Then I move on with experiencing and enjoy the rest of my experience.
Who is my audience? Nobody.
Who isn’t my audience? Nobody.
What does that make of this post? Nothing
Thoughts flow like music.
Thoughts flow from brains to machines.
Buzz, buzz and buzz