childhood, connections, deciding

033 – conflict

ricvolpe
April 6, 2022
214 Comments

This moment, as any other one that I have experienced, can evolve into so many different directions. Of this, what’s interesting is the many-ness. Every direction has a will of its own and relate in a different way to other moments from my past.

I seek for guidance and when I take a step back from the crossroads I fractally find myself in the same place. Which of the many values I have collected should guide my direction? Being meta doesn’t clear any choosing, it only makes me an over-thinker.

When I abstract away, I feel even more lost. There is a sense of ease and wholeness when I follow my intuition. It disappears when my intuition is wrong but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t there in the first place.

I breath into my indecision. Why do I even have to chose? What is this sense of directionality that manifests in me? The directionality of time creates the many-ness of moments. The directionality of life creates the many-ness of objects.

The only constant is change, says the old paradox. Life breathes as many-ness into me. When I take a step into the decision, I fractally find myself, for a brief moment, passing through a hole of the whole. That’s where actions gets their taste of wholeness from.

There is no escape from many-ness. There is no salvation nor happy ending here. In fact, there is no ending at all. The only constant is change. Nor matter how hard we try holding onto that piece of identity or land.

But not choosing is choosing too. Not holding holds hard to nothingness. So what shall I do?

The paradox of acceptance is that it contains itself. When we accept the absurdity of eternity, we can even sit by the a hole of whole. But we can’t stop there, life breathes many-ness into us. Optionality has to happen.

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