And here it comes another day, started with a very nice walk in the cold Glasgow’s Botanic Gardens. I didn’t pay much attention to my feet, as one may want to do during walking meditation because my head was quite full of things. Yesterday I tried cleaning up a bit doing meditation, but I fell asleep on the couch during it because I wanted to give myself good feelings about meditation so I did it on the couch instead of the cushion. The more relaxed position made me fall asleep.
Yesterday was a nice day. I worked pretty hard on Twitter Analytics and then I swam and then I had a great dinner at a tea house with Chen. We had some ligth vegetarian food and tried some pretty fantastic teas. Today during my walk I was thinking about my Twitter allowances, which are some budgets that I can spend on things like wellness and leanring. I have realised that I don’t like having to spend them just because I have them and they expire. I don’t really care about doing things because I am prompted from outside, to avoid waste. I want to set my own course and my own journey, I want to reward myself when I earn it and provide for my needs when they are really poignant. If I don’t do that I am afraid I am going to spoil myself, blurry my story and lose trust. If I provide myself things when I don’t need them, my need are going to get more demanding and also I feel like my core needs are going to get muddled by all these little fleeting things. I am also going to lose trust in myself in the sense that I won’t feel like I need to earn things, and thus I don’t really have to work hard to provide for things, and thus I am losing trust that I won’t actually take singificant actions when I have unmet need that the allowance cannot cover. The allowance is a spoiler and letting it go, wasting it, is worth less than spoiling myself and muddling my story. Yes, I am convinced of that. Managing my own psychology comes always first.
Which brings me to another topic, which is the topic of setting my own course and living my own story. What do I want my story to be? Just a few days ago I was thinking about the archetypes and charchters that inspire me and they seem to be revolving around two core values. The first one is wisdom and patience, the ability to play long game, the ability to stay fixed on some objective and destination for a long time. Or as described in the biography of Steve Jobs: “Steve had some strong convictions about how the digital experience ought to be and he stuck to them long enough to bring them to reality and realise the benefits of them”. This is something that inspires me and that I want to bring into my story. Play long term games, make calculated choices and have the patience to wait for them to pay off in decades. Find the psychological strength to understand what I can sustain for a long time, what kind of activity I am willing to continue for a very long time and then make sure I can realise the cumulative benefits of that patience, by preservering and nurtuting the activity in the process. Part of this is focus, which relates to allowances. I don’t want to spend mental energies on things that come up. I want to focus on those few activities I want to persist on long-term, the core ones to move towards the set directions. The ones I am investing in to provide fruits. That’s why I don’t want to react to most opportunities. I am happy to waste them. FOMO is worth focus, someone said on Twitter, and hereby I resonantly repeat it for myself. FOMO is worth focus. FOMO is worth focus. FOMO is worth focus. FOMO is worth focus. That’s what the ancient sage has realised and practices every day. FOMO is worth focus.
The other element of my characters and archetypes that I want to enhance and bring into my story sits in the middle of the sage and the jester. Also known as the clown, trickster, comedian, practical joker or the fool, the Jester is an archetype that is at peace with the paradoxes of the world. The Sage archetype revolves around knowledge and truth. For the Sage, the key to success is collecting information and relentlessly pursuing the truth. This particular archetype believes that by gathering reliable, factual information and sharing it with others, we can make the world a better place. The common characteristic of these two archetypes is the refrain and ridicule from potentially harmful mainstream believes. There is a process of unlearning social bloatware that these characters undergo in order for them to be able to either ridicule or cut through most of the chit chatter. I am drawn to this but why? I don’t want to focus on something I need to avoid. I don’t want to be on the look out for misbeliefs. Perhaps what I want, which we discussed a little in my conversation with Chen at the teahouse yesterday, is to be more grounded in my own belives, is to be more protective of my own garden of convinctions, experiences, intepretations. This would natually make social bloatware less effective to interfere with my own operative system. Be mindful that enviroment shapes me and what I think, I can be more selective with what I allow to enter my enviroment. Be mindful that other people shape how I think, I can be selective with who I actually want to engage. I can still respect everyone, but I can go a little step ahead and live for my convictions. Carry them to complition, giving birth to what they embody. This doesn’t mean that my beliefs that I protect more are objective and absolute, they are still subjective and very much mine, and I could still be totally wrong about it. But my intent is not to be objectively true, because I just can’t to that. My intent to fully flourish the plants that emerge in the garden of my mind and spirit, to protect them enough so that they can blossom and generate the fruits and scents that they carry in their potential. Yes, I want to protect my convictions. I want to protect my beliefs. I want to protect my direction. I want to protect my journey. I want to control what I bring to life, which is my job. In a way, I want to respond with a determined and responsible voice to the call of the life that is within me and resonates with my spirit. I will bring you to life dear friend. I will!